{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Friday, August 10, 2007

title:{}

I am so furious that I am trembling with rage inside me. Who does he think he is? Huh? Budging his way into my life, making me feel like I am walking on broken glass. I hate him. He’s a tyrant. He doesn’t know anything about me. He only knows my name but he thinks he can boss me around and tell me how I should live my life. Don’t tell me what I should do. This is my life and wanna live it the way I like.
I told him about the Apple and Orange case and instead of applauding me for caring for a troubled friend; he thinks I should keep away from her. No. I will not. Even though she is in the wrong, I want her to feel that there is still someone who cares for her. Her parents think what she says are just a jokes. Sometimes parents are fools to dismiss things that their children say. But my parents are the opposite. They are tyrants and want me to do what they think can help me. They don’t know my problem but they assume the problem. They think I am going psycho and hallucinating about things. Hello? This was all an act. It was jus to warn them not to take me for granted. They didn’t see the point. My rotten father even uninstalled my MSN coz they think MSN is giving me all the problems when I talk rubbish online.
That’s why I say they are overdoing it. The more they try to control me, the more I will rebel. I have downloaded MSN again. They won’t know. That’s why the world doesn’t understand me. That shows how well I wear my mask. Haha. Only one person sees the real me. I admire her for that. She must be brilliant to see through my mask. She is the only one who understands. Even now my mum no longer understands. My world isn’t for oldies like them. They are living in another era. The problem is them and they can’t feel. I jus want my father to get out of my life. I want to live my life my way and not being under their thumb all the time.
And how dare they say my friends confide in me only coz I am jus one of the black sheep? Apple and orange are my sworn sisters and I will never forget our sworn sisterhood. Once sisters, forever sisters. I always longed for a big sis, but never had one. My search is over. I found someone who treats me like her kid sister. I like that. I want someone come take me home coz it’s a damn cold night out here. Take me by the hand take me somewhere new. My bro doesn’t understand. Boys never do. Plus he’s jus a 9 year old. He doesn’t know what is going on but always shows to much unnecessary concern. I don’t need his concern. He can save his ravings for himself. I don’t show many emotions so people misinterpret me.
I was looking through someone’s Friendster last night. I saw her testimonials and comments. They were mostly from her sister and cousins. It struck me that my family and relatives would never remember my birthday or jus post a comment on Friendster on my bday. They go all out to bring me to fancy restaurants to eat. But that’s not what I want. I don’t need them to spend their whole bank account on my birthday dinner. I jus want to eat somewhere where we can talk without getting angry and raising our voices. There is something I observe about my family. We always eat at restaurants and hotels but we aren’t one bit happy. We can sit in a hotel eating the most expensive dish on the menu but yet don’t feel blessed that we can eat those foods. Other people eat at KFC and feel happy. Isn’t it ironical? This goes to show that wealth doesn’t bring us happiness. I know it isn’t wrong to have more money. But I suddenly hate our wealth coz it’s tearing us apart.
My father is always trying to earn big bucks, rent out our apartment for exorbitant amounts to make profits and all other money issues. But in the process, he is so caught up with money that he has lost the feelings of empathy, compassion and care. All he thinks of is ‘That tenant could bring us a fortune’. I hate this world full of money talks. It’s just an idiot’s parade.
And now my father wants to transfer me out of Raffles. He doesn’t consider what I will miss if I transfer. He doesn’t know that things are not as simple as you wanna get out and jus call it quits. He doesn’t consider how I would feel if I lost sense of belonging and my friends overnight. I jus found someone who truly knows me and he wants to tear me away from her. I HATE him. He thinks I am getting too smart for him that’s why he feels inferior. He can’t even solve a Arithmetic problem which I can easily. The last time I told my family about Epimiological Transition, and Singapore being in the Age of Delayed Degenerative and man-made diseases, he thought I was acting smart. He said I didn’t need to tell him what I learnt in the Cardiology book mum got for me on my birthday. He looked down on me when he heard I was gonna get a specialist book on cardiology. He thought it was too deep for my understanding. He scoffed at me. So I told him what I learnt from the introduction chapter to prove that I wasn’t dumb. And it already blew him away. What a loser who can still look down on his daughter.
He says I am getting too smart for him. He hates it when I can explain Chemistry and he can’t. He feels lousy coz he took Chemistry until JC and doesn’t even remember how many electrons a Sulphur atom has. I think my intelligence is driving a wedge between me and my family. I should better not show them my intellect. I gonna talk like an average 13 year old who doesn’t know anything about Chemistry and cardiology.
Mebbe next time I will still have a chance to study Cardiology and save people with heart problems.

5:43 PM;

N {La Voisine}

Missy Magdalene
Tracker
Long Jumper
Triple Jumper
Aspiring heart surgeon or lawyer
Confident dudette
Spastic dudette
Dreamer

N {Loves}

I love:

HIM
Vongole
My Friends
Sleeping
Wishing upon a star that never shines
Rock Music

N {From the Heart}

""Love Story"

We were both young, when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts-
I'm standing there, on a balcony in summer air.

I see the lights; see the party, the ball gowns.
I see you make your way through the crowd-
You say hello, little did I know...

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles-
And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet"-
And I was crying on the staircase-
begging you please don't go...
And I said...

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,
It's a love story, baby, just say yes.

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet, because we're dead if they knew-
So close your eyes... escape this town for a little while.
Oh, Oh.

Cause you were Romeo - I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet" -
but you were everything to me-
I was begging you, please don't go-
And I said...

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.
It's a love story, baby, just say yes-

Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story, baby, just say yes.
Oh, Oh.

I got tired of waiting.
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading-
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said...
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting, for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think-
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...

Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad -- go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say... yes.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.

'cause we were both young when i first saw you

N {Escapes}

Adeline

Angie

Charlene

6D Class Blog

Christine

Dharini

Grace

Guan Rong

Hannah

Hemin

Hsiao Fong